Blues

Some days are worse than others. Some weeks even. Last week was my "grey week". It was a combination of constant rain, Gus on his worst behavior, and Simon having several issues. He was teething, he was getting bullied and he was fighting sleep every chance he got. I quickly became overwhelmed and crawled inside myself unable to regain control. I think a lot of moms feel this way, but don't talk about it much. I felt like I was gonna explode. Like it was "groundhogs day". Being a stay at home mom, I start and end my day in the same place. 24/7. This job is not for everyone-including me. I was craving my desk, my computer, my office, my silence. Originally the plan was to go back to work in September. Then I decided August was a good month, and now the start date is July 1. We'll see if it changes again:) I know I will miss my boys, but I also know that I'll be home to see them at the end of everyday! I'm just not the "make my own play-doh, let the kids paint the walls, and every Tuesday is library day" kinda mom. I wish I could afford to do more things out of the house with them, but living off of a "generous" teacher's salary-I can't. Gus loves the structure of school. We are so pleased with Little Blessings Learning Center for all that they provide Gus. He is a different kid on the days he goes to school, so I'm ready for him to be full time like- tomorrow! Dusty will be home this summer, so he can hang with Simon till school starts. Then we'll piece together the remainder of the time till he gets to start at Little Blessings in September. Anyway, I tried the stay at home mom thing and for the most part, I have enjoyed it. I've loved my time with Simon as an infant. I didn't get to have that with Gus and knowing that we aren't having anymore kiddos, I don't regret this time at all. But I'm not built to sit inside while the rain pours down. I don't think that I'm a bad mom, or a bad person for wanting to work. Women put so much pressure on each other one way or the other depending on their personal beliefs/situations and it's not fair. Do you, and I'll do me...at an office...and then I'll come home to my boys who will love me just the same:)