Being a parent is challenging on so many levels. The biggest challenge I have is the fact that I am partly responsible for raising people. Little people that will become big people and hopefully contribute to society..and not with community service.I'm overwhelmed with the idea that I am an influence on someones (2 someones) personalities. However sometimes I think that dusty is mostly responsible given the personality traits of Gus & Simon that are unfavorable. Like kicking and screaming when you take them OUT of the bathtub...who does that?
I've talked about this with friends before and worry about it a lot. We as parents can raise our children in a happy home, take them to church, equip them with our highest knowledge, and yet they still have to make the choice to go right or left. I'm sure each person can name someone they know that was "raised right" that chose the wrong lane. Granted, we've all branched off the paved road and some have even gotten lost in the woods, but I'm talking about the people that choose the dirt path with roots tripping them along the way. This path, is the one I want to keep my kids from even hearing about.
Gus has a friend at school that is a little bit "dirt path" and he thinks this kid is so cool. This worries me. If my 4 year old already prefers trouble makers then I have reason to believe my corralling skills are going to have to sharpen to keep him not exactly on the straight and narrow but at least on the 4 lane.
No matter how hard we try as parents to steer our children, anytime they act out or someone else hears of something they've done, it immediately falls back on the "parenting" Ever heard "product of your raisin"? Basically, I'm trying to make a disclaimer that if my boys turn out bad, we did our best ok?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Kids these days
"Gus-pick up your shoes and take them inside" "GASH! Do I have to do everything around here?" Yes son, you have to cook and clean and maintain this household.
There are days when you want to talk to your child like they are adults, but you gotta catch yourself and hold it in! He seems to be an adult most days. Gus has always been mature. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes, it bites us in the rear:) I'll tell him to keep his hands to himself and I get- But I gotta give you a hug with my hands Mamma. True, and I do love hugs.
He's very independent too. Always has been. He wants to do everything himself, which is normally fine, unless you are wanting to accomplish anything else that day. Pulling him out of the bed takes about 10 minutes. Getting dressed in the mornings is a 30 minute process. Brushing his teeth takes about 5 minutes. Eating breakfast is another 10-15 minutes. Putting shoes on is about 3 minutes. Then comes the rituals. Get a hug, kiss, noggin, Eskimo kiss, pirate kiss and then another hug. Grab his blanket and fight to get his chocolate milk out of his hand and then out the door. So, he needs to be up at 4am really. If you don't do these things in order, you're destined for a bad day. Or should I say, Pre-school is destined for a bad day. Which we try to avoid for teachers and other kids sake.
Simon seems to be maturing equally as fast. He now says "mama, guh, no, ball" He points and plays ball and peep-eye. When he plays peep-eye, sometimes only one eye gets covered all the way...but the pride he has when he pulls his hands away just melts my heart:) He's been walking for 2 1/2 months already and is fixing to turn 1 on 9/7. Where did the past year go? It doesn't matter how hard you try on a daily basis, you never can quite soak it all in. My memories of him being an infant are already fading. Gus being Simon's age is a distant memory.
Uncle and Abbey just brought Gus a "knife" back from Montana. Complete with a leather/fringed Indian pouch for it to be stored in. Last night he came into my room and said "If you see any alligators, you call me, and I'll come chop em up with my knife" Will do buddy! He slept all night with his knife in his bed. I felt safer.
There are days when you want to talk to your child like they are adults, but you gotta catch yourself and hold it in! He seems to be an adult most days. Gus has always been mature. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes, it bites us in the rear:) I'll tell him to keep his hands to himself and I get- But I gotta give you a hug with my hands Mamma. True, and I do love hugs.
He's very independent too. Always has been. He wants to do everything himself, which is normally fine, unless you are wanting to accomplish anything else that day. Pulling him out of the bed takes about 10 minutes. Getting dressed in the mornings is a 30 minute process. Brushing his teeth takes about 5 minutes. Eating breakfast is another 10-15 minutes. Putting shoes on is about 3 minutes. Then comes the rituals. Get a hug, kiss, noggin, Eskimo kiss, pirate kiss and then another hug. Grab his blanket and fight to get his chocolate milk out of his hand and then out the door. So, he needs to be up at 4am really. If you don't do these things in order, you're destined for a bad day. Or should I say, Pre-school is destined for a bad day. Which we try to avoid for teachers and other kids sake.
Simon seems to be maturing equally as fast. He now says "mama, guh, no, ball" He points and plays ball and peep-eye. When he plays peep-eye, sometimes only one eye gets covered all the way...but the pride he has when he pulls his hands away just melts my heart:) He's been walking for 2 1/2 months already and is fixing to turn 1 on 9/7. Where did the past year go? It doesn't matter how hard you try on a daily basis, you never can quite soak it all in. My memories of him being an infant are already fading. Gus being Simon's age is a distant memory.
Uncle and Abbey just brought Gus a "knife" back from Montana. Complete with a leather/fringed Indian pouch for it to be stored in. Last night he came into my room and said "If you see any alligators, you call me, and I'll come chop em up with my knife" Will do buddy! He slept all night with his knife in his bed. I felt safer.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Energetically tired
Feeling very tired today. Energetically tired. Does that make sense? My mind is energized, the rest of me is tired. As usual, I have spread myself thin and have entirely too much going on at one time.
We are moving a little bit every single day. I'm helping one of my dearest friends move. Our garden is overflowing. Picking up my sitter and taking her home everyday (till her car is fixed) Starting a new children's program at church. Unpacking and arranging the new place. Trying to catch up with my Dad before he goes out of town. Cleaning offices. Working 40 hours. Football practice. Oh, and being a mom.
We had the bright idea to move a little bit every day so that when it came to "moving day" it wouldn't be a mad rush to get everything done all at once. Because, if you know me, I'm not going to bed until everything has found a home. Lego's included. I still think it's a good idea. Just tiring every single day instead of one whole weekend. Hopefully we will be all done Friday and will be able to enjoy our weekend a bit:)
I laid in bed last night counting backward from 100...about 30 times and finally said to myself "forget it, just get up and pack" so I did. Until it's all done, I won't get any rest.
Gus and Simon keep me smiling and I know that it's worth it for them. They are going to enjoy their new space and Dusty and I will certainly enjoy our new sleep...Gus won't be able to wake Simon up when he's heading to bed..Simon won't wake Gus up when he gets up to eat. Ahhhhhhh...I hear the silence now!
I'm so excited to cook in my new kitchen and plan on using every dish in the house because I will have a dishwasher. Yeah buddy! Also, a bathtub! You just don't know how much I've missed soaking in the tub. As well as giving kids an actual bath and not a shower. Babies get slippery when wet.
Naptime.
We are moving a little bit every single day. I'm helping one of my dearest friends move. Our garden is overflowing. Picking up my sitter and taking her home everyday (till her car is fixed) Starting a new children's program at church. Unpacking and arranging the new place. Trying to catch up with my Dad before he goes out of town. Cleaning offices. Working 40 hours. Football practice. Oh, and being a mom.
We had the bright idea to move a little bit every day so that when it came to "moving day" it wouldn't be a mad rush to get everything done all at once. Because, if you know me, I'm not going to bed until everything has found a home. Lego's included. I still think it's a good idea. Just tiring every single day instead of one whole weekend. Hopefully we will be all done Friday and will be able to enjoy our weekend a bit:)
I laid in bed last night counting backward from 100...about 30 times and finally said to myself "forget it, just get up and pack" so I did. Until it's all done, I won't get any rest.
Gus and Simon keep me smiling and I know that it's worth it for them. They are going to enjoy their new space and Dusty and I will certainly enjoy our new sleep...Gus won't be able to wake Simon up when he's heading to bed..Simon won't wake Gus up when he gets up to eat. Ahhhhhhh...I hear the silence now!
I'm so excited to cook in my new kitchen and plan on using every dish in the house because I will have a dishwasher. Yeah buddy! Also, a bathtub! You just don't know how much I've missed soaking in the tub. As well as giving kids an actual bath and not a shower. Babies get slippery when wet.
Naptime.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Decisions
I remember when decisions were made for me and I hated it. Now, I'm glad to have a partner to make a decision with, or have made for me.
So many things change as you get older. When Dusty and I were dating, our biggest decisions were, where are we going to eat, what were we going to do this weekend, and what do we want to watch on TV. Now, we base decisions off of our marriage-what is best for us as a couple, our kids-where they will go to school, how our decisions effect them, etc. etc. and lately-my grandmother.
Being a live in "caretaker" for my grandmother has been a journey. She had a huge hand in raising my brother and I, and boy am I thankful to have had her and my grandfather. They taught us so much and kept us grounded. She is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet, and makes the best sweets around. Not to mention light fluffy buttermilk biscuits:) While she is super sweet, she is super stubborn. Pretty sure that's where I got my "strong will" She's funny about things being the way and the time she wants. She has certain people that she likes to do certain things. Even though we live in the same house, she wants Uncle Jimmy to bring her paper every morning and feed the dog (which we also feed, so he's happy) Only Jeremy can change light bulbs and do handy work. Abbey takes her to the grocery store. Dad takes her to the Dr. My uncle takes her to Belk's. I get her prescriptions and fight with reverse mortgage companies, and Dusty takes her the mail! She is lucky to have so many people, but really, we are the lucky ones.
As our family has grown, our space has become limited to say the least. We are ready for our own place. This is something we've been talking about since Simon was born. We've talked, prayed, listened, sought advice, and talked some more. Should we buy, should we build, should we rent? Should we even move at all? I promised my grandfather in my last words to him that I would take care of her. Would he be disappointed? This is not a decision that has been easy or hasn't been completely thought out. Probably over analyzed by me. I do think that she is well enough to live on her own. She already does-we just happen to be downstairs.
It's time though. Our family of 4 needs to be on our own. We've decided to rent for now and wait on the market and for $$$preschool$$$ to be completed by both boys before we buy/build. It used to bother me that Dusty was terrified of commitment, but in this case, I think he's pretty smart.
I'll still get to go and see Mammie everyday. Pick up Gus from school and stop by and take her the mail. Pick her up for church on Sunday's and then maybe out for lunch if she's up to it. Gonna be a tough transition for all of us. But I know it's the right thing for our family now.
Therapeutic writing...hoping this helps!
So many things change as you get older. When Dusty and I were dating, our biggest decisions were, where are we going to eat, what were we going to do this weekend, and what do we want to watch on TV. Now, we base decisions off of our marriage-what is best for us as a couple, our kids-where they will go to school, how our decisions effect them, etc. etc. and lately-my grandmother.
Being a live in "caretaker" for my grandmother has been a journey. She had a huge hand in raising my brother and I, and boy am I thankful to have had her and my grandfather. They taught us so much and kept us grounded. She is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet, and makes the best sweets around. Not to mention light fluffy buttermilk biscuits:) While she is super sweet, she is super stubborn. Pretty sure that's where I got my "strong will" She's funny about things being the way and the time she wants. She has certain people that she likes to do certain things. Even though we live in the same house, she wants Uncle Jimmy to bring her paper every morning and feed the dog (which we also feed, so he's happy) Only Jeremy can change light bulbs and do handy work. Abbey takes her to the grocery store. Dad takes her to the Dr. My uncle takes her to Belk's. I get her prescriptions and fight with reverse mortgage companies, and Dusty takes her the mail! She is lucky to have so many people, but really, we are the lucky ones.
As our family has grown, our space has become limited to say the least. We are ready for our own place. This is something we've been talking about since Simon was born. We've talked, prayed, listened, sought advice, and talked some more. Should we buy, should we build, should we rent? Should we even move at all? I promised my grandfather in my last words to him that I would take care of her. Would he be disappointed? This is not a decision that has been easy or hasn't been completely thought out. Probably over analyzed by me. I do think that she is well enough to live on her own. She already does-we just happen to be downstairs.
It's time though. Our family of 4 needs to be on our own. We've decided to rent for now and wait on the market and for $$$preschool$$$ to be completed by both boys before we buy/build. It used to bother me that Dusty was terrified of commitment, but in this case, I think he's pretty smart.
I'll still get to go and see Mammie everyday. Pick up Gus from school and stop by and take her the mail. Pick her up for church on Sunday's and then maybe out for lunch if she's up to it. Gonna be a tough transition for all of us. But I know it's the right thing for our family now.
Therapeutic writing...hoping this helps!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
It's just different
Trying to explain to Dusty how a mother's love is different is impossible. He tries to get it, but no man can really get it.
When your child is first born, those cries physically hurt you. You ache to hold your baby and make everything ok. Leaving them for the first time is equally as painful. By pain I mean, your heart hurts, your head hurts because of the cluster of thoughts, the guilt, the concerns, fear and love. All of these things cause true pain. There is no way to describe the bond formed by a mother and child. It is literally indescribable. Growing a human is the greatest gift, but boy does it have it's consequences.
The one I try most often to hide and explain, is the emotional toll. I can not watch a flippin Tide commercial without crying. If there is a child involved, there are tears for me. If I hear a sweet song, I cry. If I hear another mother's story, I'm having a breakdown. Uncontrollable emotions. Then, I get mad that I'm crying. Emotions triggering emotions. Beyond frustrating.
Simon is the sweetest little baby. He takes after his daddy in every way possible. The same blue/green eyes, the same build, the same head shape, and the same tender heart. Granted, Dusty doesn't cry when he's hungry-but he comes really close sometimes. Baby Simon gets his feelings hurt when you take something away from him. He cries when I set him down. He looses his breath when I walk out of the room. I do not get mad or blame him, because I created this. I wanted him to be my little baby. I let him sleep on me as much as possible when I was home...and still do.
I don't mind eating cold food because he wants his mamma. He won't be this way for long. Dusty is going to have pals for life. They aren't going to call me for advice. I'll embarrass them and they'll hate me for making them clean their rooms. Plus all these girls they date will not receive warm welcomes from me. So I choose to take my time with them now, while they still like 'ol Mom. Before they are embarrassed to be seen with me, or near me.
Being a mom is just different. You love far beyond your own boundaries, and then a little past that. You worry about things that are completely out of your control,, things that may not ever happen,, and things that have already happened.
When your child is first born, those cries physically hurt you. You ache to hold your baby and make everything ok. Leaving them for the first time is equally as painful. By pain I mean, your heart hurts, your head hurts because of the cluster of thoughts, the guilt, the concerns, fear and love. All of these things cause true pain. There is no way to describe the bond formed by a mother and child. It is literally indescribable. Growing a human is the greatest gift, but boy does it have it's consequences.
The one I try most often to hide and explain, is the emotional toll. I can not watch a flippin Tide commercial without crying. If there is a child involved, there are tears for me. If I hear a sweet song, I cry. If I hear another mother's story, I'm having a breakdown. Uncontrollable emotions. Then, I get mad that I'm crying. Emotions triggering emotions. Beyond frustrating.
Simon is the sweetest little baby. He takes after his daddy in every way possible. The same blue/green eyes, the same build, the same head shape, and the same tender heart. Granted, Dusty doesn't cry when he's hungry-but he comes really close sometimes. Baby Simon gets his feelings hurt when you take something away from him. He cries when I set him down. He looses his breath when I walk out of the room. I do not get mad or blame him, because I created this. I wanted him to be my little baby. I let him sleep on me as much as possible when I was home...and still do.
I don't mind eating cold food because he wants his mamma. He won't be this way for long. Dusty is going to have pals for life. They aren't going to call me for advice. I'll embarrass them and they'll hate me for making them clean their rooms. Plus all these girls they date will not receive warm welcomes from me. So I choose to take my time with them now, while they still like 'ol Mom. Before they are embarrassed to be seen with me, or near me.
Being a mom is just different. You love far beyond your own boundaries, and then a little past that. You worry about things that are completely out of your control,, things that may not ever happen,, and things that have already happened.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Learning to fit
Ever feel like you just don't fit somewhere? I think I've felt that way most of my life. When I find someone that I really like, I tell Dusty "they're us people." I don't like being made felt inadequate, left out, dumb, or wrong. (unless I'm wrong)
I think of myself as the black sheep of the family. Maybe even a goat, on top of it's house, with it's hooves painted pink...standing out from the crowd by a mile.
While the rest of my family is in real estate, I sell insurance. I love what I do. For whatever reason, once people find out that I am Steve Owen's daughter (& most of them don't even know he has a daughter), they are floored that I'm not working in real estate. I tell them "I do work in real estate-I clean their bathrooms." It just doesn't interest me. I'd probably be better off working there, but I'm ok being me and loving what I do everyday. Point is, I'm happy and tired of trying to convince people that I'm good.
I know that my choices aren't the choices of others. I'm sure I've made wrong decisions and done things a little backwards more than once, but God has led me to where I am and I am beyond thankful for my blessings. So many differences exist, but different isn't wrong/bad. I like making my own way-it feels better. I am to the point in my life that I think most of us get to. It's like take it or leave it. Of course there is always room to work on the better version of myself. Striving for excellence I believe my pastor calls it:)
I don't like being in a crowded, stiff room where I obviously don't belong. I don't like the uncomfortable feeling of trying to fit. I've never pretended or claimed to be something or someone that I am not. I don't need to impress anyone, and I think it looks foolish to do so. Don't compromise your character by playing a part. I've heard people's accent change just by being around someone with an accent. Also, I am not a fan of the fake laugh! Stick to your guns and be you. I can usually tell when I annoy people and I'll get my feelings hurt and turn to anger. But I'm going to be working on that. You do you, I'll do me.
So I guess this learning to fit rant kinda turned into me being me...Square peg in a round hole in most situations-just can't make it fit! I shall surround myself with squares.
I think of myself as the black sheep of the family. Maybe even a goat, on top of it's house, with it's hooves painted pink...standing out from the crowd by a mile.
While the rest of my family is in real estate, I sell insurance. I love what I do. For whatever reason, once people find out that I am Steve Owen's daughter (& most of them don't even know he has a daughter), they are floored that I'm not working in real estate. I tell them "I do work in real estate-I clean their bathrooms." It just doesn't interest me. I'd probably be better off working there, but I'm ok being me and loving what I do everyday. Point is, I'm happy and tired of trying to convince people that I'm good.
I know that my choices aren't the choices of others. I'm sure I've made wrong decisions and done things a little backwards more than once, but God has led me to where I am and I am beyond thankful for my blessings. So many differences exist, but different isn't wrong/bad. I like making my own way-it feels better. I am to the point in my life that I think most of us get to. It's like take it or leave it. Of course there is always room to work on the better version of myself. Striving for excellence I believe my pastor calls it:)
I don't like being in a crowded, stiff room where I obviously don't belong. I don't like the uncomfortable feeling of trying to fit. I've never pretended or claimed to be something or someone that I am not. I don't need to impress anyone, and I think it looks foolish to do so. Don't compromise your character by playing a part. I've heard people's accent change just by being around someone with an accent. Also, I am not a fan of the fake laugh! Stick to your guns and be you. I can usually tell when I annoy people and I'll get my feelings hurt and turn to anger. But I'm going to be working on that. You do you, I'll do me.
So I guess this learning to fit rant kinda turned into me being me...Square peg in a round hole in most situations-just can't make it fit! I shall surround myself with squares.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Look at who we have
I've talked about the American Dream before and how it means different things to different people. We, like a lot of people, struggle to make it through week to week, paycheck to paycheck. It's life. We aren't any better than anyone else, and we don't deserve anything special. We have 2 cars, 2 kids, 2 daycare costs, and countless bills. We get it paid. Some months, it's scrappy groceries-but we get it paid.
It would be easy to wallow in our sadness over stuff we don't have. First and foremost, I'd love to have my own house. I'd love to have a singlewide trailer. Something that was mine-my own space (our family's own space) I don't mind being around to take care of my grandmother. I'd do anything in the world for her and want to see her stay at home. But living with anyone will eventually wear on you and cause issues. You have to put yourself aside completely as a mother and as a caretaker for an elderly person. You are on their time! More stuff I'd like-lots of clothes and shoes and new furniture and stuff that I don't even have room for. Yeah-stuff!!
Most people are in the same boat as us. They get help from their parents be it monetary, caretaking of their grandkids to avoid daycare costs, or in our case, no rent/mortgage. We're all in the same boat in one way or another. Unless you're what "us people" call rich and actually own your home and all your stuff.
But you know what-it's ok. We are happy. We know that stuff won't make us happy. Money would just cause us to buy more stuff or things that we don't really need. We are ok just getting by because it's what we do and who we are for this moment in time. Soon enough the boys will be in school and we'll wonder what to do with all this extra money. Oh yeah, college tuition for 2! Soon enough, the boys will be out of the house and we'll have too much extra room, empty space. The house will be quiet and we will miss their voices.
Dusty and I stood in the kitchen this morning on our anniversary and I looked down at both of the boys and instead of saying, "look at all we have" I said "look at who we have!" What a wonderful blessing those boys are! They make up for all the stuff in the world.
It would be easy to wallow in our sadness over stuff we don't have. First and foremost, I'd love to have my own house. I'd love to have a singlewide trailer. Something that was mine-my own space (our family's own space) I don't mind being around to take care of my grandmother. I'd do anything in the world for her and want to see her stay at home. But living with anyone will eventually wear on you and cause issues. You have to put yourself aside completely as a mother and as a caretaker for an elderly person. You are on their time! More stuff I'd like-lots of clothes and shoes and new furniture and stuff that I don't even have room for. Yeah-stuff!!
Most people are in the same boat as us. They get help from their parents be it monetary, caretaking of their grandkids to avoid daycare costs, or in our case, no rent/mortgage. We're all in the same boat in one way or another. Unless you're what "us people" call rich and actually own your home and all your stuff.
But you know what-it's ok. We are happy. We know that stuff won't make us happy. Money would just cause us to buy more stuff or things that we don't really need. We are ok just getting by because it's what we do and who we are for this moment in time. Soon enough the boys will be in school and we'll wonder what to do with all this extra money. Oh yeah, college tuition for 2! Soon enough, the boys will be out of the house and we'll have too much extra room, empty space. The house will be quiet and we will miss their voices.
Dusty and I stood in the kitchen this morning on our anniversary and I looked down at both of the boys and instead of saying, "look at all we have" I said "look at who we have!" What a wonderful blessing those boys are! They make up for all the stuff in the world.
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